Your Fate is Mine and Mine is Yours

The only way I might win you is if I don’t fight for you. And that is against every instinct in my body, mind and soul.

Today is no longer ours. It unravels at the seams and refuses to fit into a tidy set of twenty four hours defying the limits of time, expanding and contracting like a slinky tumbling down the stairs with abandon.

It’s been three weeks since you left but it feels like it’s been three years. I watch the life around me flap its wings in slow motion like footage from a hummingbird documentary. Perhaps if I sit still and do nothing I can even travel back to the time when you were mine.

I thought everything would end, I would die from that awful ache in my chest, but I keep waking up to days without you. Friends suggest I forget you. Yet you burn like a missing limb inside my head. My body is still searching for my hurricane friend. So I go on with my life, I smile, pay the rent.I drive to work and try to act normal whatever that is. But your absence still smolders inside me and makes me cough up puffs of smoke in work meetings.

My apartment gives me peace no longer, every corner has you in it. I smell you in my sheets when I wake up. Your body half asleep like a friendly ghost haunting my bed.

I remember watching you sleep with the red cheeks, arms and legs stretched out like a love’s octopus. Your thin body somehow by magic managed to take up the whole bed — forever searching for my warm embrace.

Sadly, you are fading away slowly, like a beautiful planet I left and now in my spaceship surrounded by the endless space of possibilities, it seems odd to stare back at a dot in the distance with little chance of return.

By instinct my neck slowly turns to point my face and my eyes to what lies ahead. But forgetting you is that final disappointment for which I am not ready yet.

E. Saglamer